I’ve had a nice run. Two and a half months free of academic/departmental politics and anxiety about authorship, publishing, my dissertation, etc. Today, though, it all came crashing back into my life. I had a sneaking suspicion things would start to heat up again once I met with my advisor last week to talk about starting my dissertation (I’m writing chapter 3 right now!). Once you get yourself back in that “bubble” (and this applies to any program or job), you’re bound to get caught up with some shit.
This story starts with a flashback to the winter of 2009, Christmas to be exact. I had just wrapped up my first semester as a PhD student, in which I had literally been thrown into a research project and I was expected to know about experimental design (a rarity in the education world). I was also going through a
little major depression due to some personal reasons that I won’t explicate here. On top of all of my obligations, both professionally and to myself, I was expected to write a chapter in a report for our project. I worked diligently, through the haze of my depression, to write what was later deemed one of the best chapters.
As with most things in the academe, the report got delayed…and DELAYED some more…until now, when it is finally coming out. And guess where my name appears. On the author list? Nope, that would just make too much sense. I am on the “with” list. Listen, I’m fine with this. This is something that will come up all the time and I chose to go into academics. I have to choose my battles. But honestly? Seriously?
I am more determined now then ever to just write my dissertation, get out of here, and get a freaking job again. One that will pay me to actually live a normal life. Nine years of postsecondary education can leave you grumpy, anxious, and constantly upset. Oh, and poor. Let’s just hope it’s all worth it. Maybe it will be on the day I graduate…I’ll let ya know.
And now you know a little bit more about why I run/swim/bike